Asked wife to divorce me

I asked my wife to divorce me and file for full custody of our daughter cause I am done with all of this and moving on with my life.
Sometime back I went to a divorce lawyer regarding my desire to divorce my wife. After talking to him (and listening to others here) I had to agree that now is not the time for me to file divorce. I have to many other distractions, stress, and limited resources to add divorce to my shoulders. I am better off cleaning up my life and lowering my stress before I engage in a divorce. Sucks, but it’s the best for right now.



I went back to that same lawyer about a week later and we discussed how to handle my wife’s constant verbal attacks and threats to take my daughter away from me during a divorce. He explained completely what would happen during my divorce and custody battle. Basically, my wife can not legally get full custody of our daughter and have me taking out of her life cause my behavior and actions since the birth of J have been of a normal adult and dad. Nothing bad or harmful. We would be forced to coming to some kind of terms over custody, but nothing that would cost me my daughter. That was really good news and removed my biggest fear. However…



This did not addressed how to handle my wife’s attacks and threats. He suggested that I tell my wife to divorce me and file for full custody. That my wife may not know it yet or she may, either way, my wife is not holding a winning hand. She is just playing off my fear of me loosing my daughter. If I want this to stop, I need to force her hand and the reality of it out to the open. Call her on her threats and see what reaction she will have. At first I disagreed with him, but thought he might be right on this. It’s risky, but I have to do something. Her attacks and threats really stress me out.



Well, I did just that about two weeks ago and ever since then, my wife has been silent. No attacks or threats and very little conversation of any kind. I assumed that I shocked my wife and she has seen a lawyer of her own. Not sure if she has, but I do believe my lawyer was right. She was not really holding a winning hand, just playing off my fear of loosing my daughter. By tell her to divorce and file full custody, I removed her only real threat against me, my fear. Without that, she is powerless over me and can’t win.



Even if this goes to court, it won’t be her winning. It’ll be about us and the judge concluding what’s best including mediation first. What ever my wife thinks about our divorce and child custody, she doesn’t have power over it or me anymore. The courts will when divorce is eventually filed. My biggest fear is now gone and I am free of my wife’s control for good. She is no longer the queen.



Here’s the real interesting part. My wife asked me last night to save our marriage and I told her nope. Boom, now she is on the receiving end of me in control of my life. Let her see me for once as a man and not a puppet she controls. There will be another blog about this recent event. Man, my life is never just normal. Always an issue. At least I am now in control of my life and how these endless issues impact my life. At least this is a step forward.

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want divorce but cannot leave kids - advice ?

hello all, I am new here. I've visited many times but finally took the plunge to join. Can anyone offer advice on this ?



I am a 38 year old Male married to a 42 year old woman. I have 2 children under the age of 8 who i ADORE.



My marriage has been going downhill for 5 years now. I think i've tried everything (of course I am not perfect but i feel i have tried) and I am no longer a "husband" (i.e. "man") but just a "dad".



I have been together with my wife for 15 years and married 9 but we have just grown apart.



For the last year, she goes to bed at 8pm (same time as kids) and i stay up on my own - very lonely. We moved to Las Vegas 4 years ago and we have no social life outside of work (we both work) and school.



I lost my job and we are going thru bankruptcy.



I miss companionship, laughter and sex. My wife doesn't care about any of this (she has said so). She is only awake for work, 2 hours for homework and dinner and then back to bed.



I want to be happy but cannot bare the thought of not being here for my kids. They are my world.



What can i do ? Live together to see my kids and never have sex/fun/happiness until they leave home ?



i want to be the best dad ever, but i also have the needs of a husband.

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Friends First = Bad Idea?

I've never been "friends first" with a boy, though the concept is quite fascinating.

Imagine you meet someone that you're not attracted to. Then later, as some times goes by, suddenly, you begin to notice all these fantastic qualities about them that you didn't know existed, and boom! You're in love! Is that a 90s sitcom plot or what?!

I love this idea. Many experts advise that couples should be friends first. Then the relationship is based on personal compatibility, not just sexual chemistry.

New York social psychologist, Dr. Grace Cornish avers that romances that begin as friendships are more likely to succeed:

"As friends first, you like each other first. You develop a respect for each other. You're looking out for each other's best interests. I urge people--marry your best friend."


Keep reading on psychologytoday.com

How To Merge Money

Remarriage: Merging Assets...Again: Tips for Entering Into a Financial Merger


By LYNDA MOULTRY


Once you have made the decision to be remarried, there are so many steps in the process. Where will the wedding be? What will you wear? The task list seems endless. Often, the less-fun tasks, such as figuring out your financial game plan, falls toward the end of the list. According to many experts, discussing your financial portfolios should be the first order of business.

Thea Glazer of Glazer Financial Advisors, a San Diego, Calif.,-based financial planning firm, says couples should identify and discuss their money personalities before they begin planning a wedding. Glazer has specialized in financial planning for couples for more than 20 years and has developed a “money personality quiz” on her Web site, which gives couples a comprehensive understanding of each person’s money management style.

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Before You Have The Divorce Talk...Read This

Five Tips to Help You No Matter What Side of the Conversation You're On


By TRISH ROBB



When you have decided to end your marriage, you must give serious thought to the manner in which you tell your spouse. Presumably you want to find a middle ground between slipping away silently in the dead of night, and booking the Wednesday slot on Maury Povich to make a surprise announcement. This conversation will possibly set the tone for the whole divorce process, so if you can lessen the hurt and anger here, it will help you later.

1. Where and when.
Your spouse should be the first to know you want a divorce. If you have already told friends or relatives, there is always a chance your spouse will hear about your intentions from someone else first, which will only amplify the hurt and resentment. Consider whether he or she would respond better to your announcement in private, at home, or in a public place like a restaurant or park. If your fear a violent reaction, it might be wise not to be alone with your spouse, for example. If your fear he or she will be self-destructive, you may wish to seek the help of a professional for advice ahead of time.

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Will This Recession Cause Your Divorce?

In a Bad Economy, Troubled Marriages Can Get Worse, Lead to Divorce


By SUZY BROWN


Some experts say if your marriage is shaky, a downturn in the economy will make it more likely that you will divorce. Others says that a bad economy can be good for your marriage. This economy is definitely creating challenges that one doesn’t see in a more stable financial situation.

Surveys of attendees at my recent divorce recovery camps revealed that a 52-year-old woman was living in her car. Another was temporarily in the Super Six Motel. Another attendee and her ex-husband were still living in the same house because they have not been able to sell their house, and they could not afford two mortgages.

Researchers have tried to figure out the correlation between the economy and divorce, and they often come up with differing conclusions. Whether a downturn in the economy increases or decreases the likelihood of individuals divorcing depends on many factors. Money issues in individual families have always been high on the list of causes of divorce. However, when the financial stability of the whole world plummets, and everyone is feeling the pinch of tough economic times, couples either:

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Are You Over 40, Divorced And Afraid Of Sex?

How To Get Over The Baggage And Get Back Out There


By DR. PHYLLIS GOLDBERG and DR. ROSEMARY LICHTMAN


Q: I’ve been on several first dates since my divorce but that’s as far as I’ve gone. Getting to know someone better will only lead to sex and, at 48 with a c-section and an abdominal surgery, I can’t imagine that. What can I do to get over being afraid? I’m so lonely.

A: Some women post-divorce date a lot and are intimate quickly as a way to prove that they’re still sexually desirable. Others swear off sex and vow to be celibate for the rest of their days. As is true with so many issues in life, you may want to strive for an attitude somewhere in the middle. Maybe you’re still trying to understand yourself in the context of the breakup of your marriage and not prepared for a serious relationship yet. However, when you are ready, consider that it’s a process that unfolds over time. If you think too much about sex itself at the beginning, it may keep you feeling stuck and lonely.

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