Are You Over 40, Divorced And Afraid Of Sex?

How To Get Over The Baggage And Get Back Out There


By DR. PHYLLIS GOLDBERG and DR. ROSEMARY LICHTMAN


Q: I’ve been on several first dates since my divorce but that’s as far as I’ve gone. Getting to know someone better will only lead to sex and, at 48 with a c-section and an abdominal surgery, I can’t imagine that. What can I do to get over being afraid? I’m so lonely.

A: Some women post-divorce date a lot and are intimate quickly as a way to prove that they’re still sexually desirable. Others swear off sex and vow to be celibate for the rest of their days. As is true with so many issues in life, you may want to strive for an attitude somewhere in the middle. Maybe you’re still trying to understand yourself in the context of the breakup of your marriage and not prepared for a serious relationship yet. However, when you are ready, consider that it’s a process that unfolds over time. If you think too much about sex itself at the beginning, it may keep you feeling stuck and lonely.

Keep reading here

Twitter And Facebook Your Way To Recovery?

After the Divorce, Social Networking Do's and Don'ts to Expand your Connections


By DIVORCE360.COM STAFF


So you're linkedin, twittering and finding friends on facebook. But after the divorce, can social networking really help you find the love of your life or is it simply a way to find some folks to talk to? It depends, according to divorce360 experts, who say relationships that begin on social networking sites require work and attention to survive -- just like any other relationship.

Dr. Jay Granat, Ph.D, encourages his newly divorced patients to "take advantage of the Internet and to utilize this efficient tool for meeting others" -- using caution and common sense, of course. "A number of my patients have married people who they have met on the Internet," he said.

Keep Reading Here

Was Your 1st Marriage Just Practice?

Use What You Learned From Past Relationships


By LINDA ROBERT


So you’ve had your share of relationships. So have I and recently I figured that I must have needed to learn a few things to get it right the next time. So I consider the first few times as practice and as you know “practice makes perfect”. The following tips will help you make the past practices worth while.

1. Accept your previous relationships or marriages as successes in something.
It couldn’t have been all bad, There are certainly some things that you can say that went well. What did you learn about yourself during those relationships? What are your bottom line wants and desires in a new relationship? What did you learn about your deal crashers from previous relationships? Everything that you’ve learned from those experiences is a success and a step in the right direction for the next one.

Keep Reading at Divorce360.com

Should You (can you) Respect The Ex?

You're divorced, but you still see your ex. How do you handle it? Here are three tips to help.

1. Treat your ex as politely as you treat your friends or co-workers.
Don’t be as familiar as you used to be. A little less familiarity will generate a little more respect. Say “Hello”, “Goodbye”, “Please” and “Thank You” – those magic words work as well for you as they do for your children. He’s extended family now, and as with extended family, you don’t have to like him, you just have to get along.

2. Stop blaming your ex for whatever went wrong.
Admit it takes two, and look for your part (maybe just putting up with too much for too long.) Once you understand the dynamics of your old relationship, you’ll feel less upset, and have an easier time forgiving and letting bygones be bygones. You don’t have to tell your ex what you understand, but your acceptance of some responsibility will make your interactions calmer and more respectful.

3. If you have children, respect your ex as your child’s other parent.
Your child needs to know that both of you are worthwhile people. Whether or not you have children, respect your ex as a person you once loved enough to marry – no matter how mistaken you might have been. You once had hopes and dreams with this person. Though the dreams have died, and been replaced by new ideas, the person you once dreamed with deserves your respect.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids." She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.

eep reading here: divorce360.com

if you met your 'soul mate' today

but found out they had cheated on their ex, would that stop you? would you end the relationship? would you continue?

12 ways to know it's time to call it quits

How do you know when it's time to get out of your relationship?
1. You can't stand the sight of them and they make your skin crawl. 2. You are afraid of them. 3. Friends keep telling you to get out. 4. They are mean to the children. 5. The children are afraid of them. 6. You can't remember anything good about them. 7. You no longer enjoy anything with them or look forward to doing anything with them. 8. They come in the door and your heart sinks. 9. You don't want to go out with them with friends or family because they are too embarrassing. 10. They keep making promises they don't keep. 11. You're no longer proud of them. 12. Quirks you originally found amusing are now embarrassing to you.

After Divorce, Opening Bank Account

It may seem a bit counter-intuitive, but the less money you have, the more the banks charge you in fees, especially if you have a below average credit score and don’t quality for overdraft protection in conjunction with your checking account. So, if you’re trying to rebuild your financial stability after a divorce, you’ll want to find a bank or credit union that offers high interest rates, low fees and checking and/or saving account options that best meet your needs.

If you walk into any bank or credit union in hopes of opening an account, you’ll quickly discover you have a multitude of choices for each type of account. You’ll probably see promotions for “Totally Free Checking” or “Checking with Interest,” but to obtain the awesome deals being advertised, you typically need to open the account with a high initial deposit, and then maintain a high balance. Otherwise, the account becomes subject to a variety of different fees and ongoing charges that add up quickly.

Keep reading here

Is it My Place or Yours?

So long, Venus and Mars: Once they become a couple, men and women are from the same planet, a new University of Florida study finds. The study confirms that men are more preoccupied with sex than women, but both bond in an intimate relationship.

“Men experience a lot of pressure in our society to have sex with a number of different partners, the opposite of what women experience as kind of the gatekeepers of sexuality,” said Paul Perrin, a UF graduate student in psychology and one of the study’s researchers. “Once they enter a relationship, however, the pressure on men to have sex is not as strong and the pressure on women to not have sex goes away.”

Keep reading here

Are you having sex, Mom?

Another great post from one of my favorite bloggers:

“Are you having sex, Mom?”
That’s a question that could stop any mom dead in her tracks.
A single mom recently wrote us an email for our advice about this parenting dilemma: What do you say when your kids ask if you’re having sex?
We understand — and that’s why we’ve come up with some tips to help the next time your child poses a sticky question about your private life.
First, don’t panic. This is not the time to be candid and reveal all. Take a breath and resist the urge to babble inappropriately about your private life.

keep reading singlemommyhood here

Advice For Jon & Kate

Singlemommyhood.com has this interesting post about Jon & Kate:

Jon and Kate, formerly reality TV’s power couple, have announced that they’re splitting up.
At first, both of us were fascinated by these eight adorable kids, one hapless dad, and a dominating, super-organized mom. But now that we’ve watched this reality TV family’s pain become real, we’re concerned.

By now, you’ve heard Jon’s announcement last night: “Kate and I have decided to separate.”
Single parenthood can be daunting — especially when you willingly live your life in the media glare. We’d love to offer Jon and Kate some advice as they go their separate ways:

Mean it when you say, “The kids come first.” Both of you have said and done some incredibly insensitive and thoughtless things. Jon, apparently you are apartment-shopping in Manhattan. Say what? Why would you choose to live so far from your kids? Please focus on what’s best for your kids.

Rethink your life priorities. This is a big part of the single parent experience. It’s time for both of you to start thinking about “our kids.” Kate, we’ve heard you say often, “My kids” This is not helpful. Please must tone it down and allow Jon an equal parental role. Your kids need all the love, support, and guidance you can offer.

Save for your kids’ futures. You live off the work of your kids. Jon was quoted in People: “Every time a season renewal comes up, we always have a family discussion. Our kids are 80 percent of our family, and if they don’t want to film, we’re not filming.” So, your eight kids sit at a family meeting and get 80% of the vote on the financial future of your family? Get real. Make sure your kids have ample funds tucked away for their future needs like college.

Be responsible parents. Both of you have provided ample evidence that you’ve cheated on each other. How embarrassing and confusing for your kids to see all the headline tabloid speculation about your alleged infidelities. Everything is archived on the Internet. If the kids don’t know now, they surely will know later. All single parents deserve a private life, but responsible parenting comes first. You’ve chosen a public life. Accept the situation you’ve created and strive for discretion and privacy for your kids’ sake.

Work to co-parent together. You employ a small army of nannies, production assistants, and publicity agents. Forget the guest shot on Dr. Phil. Commit to work with qualified psychologists and get busy with the hard work of co-parenting. Clearly, communication will be your greatest challenge.

We’d love to know: what advice can you offer Jon and Kate?

You missed it….I hope YOU are HAPPY.

This note was posted to www.divorce360.com by d360 member eclectic. I really thinks it captures the heartache, pain, suffering and seriousness of divorce.

------
You missed it….I hope YOU are HAPPY.

My X said his affairs were a result of him not being “happy”. HE wants HIM to be happy.

So……
Last night we built a tent…..and you missed it.
Last night we had ice cream and many silly stories….and you missed it.
Last night our son had his first babysitting job, he got paid, he was SO excited….and you missed it.
Last night the kids had their fist volunteer night at the humane society….and you missed it.
And that is just last night.

So much has happened in the last year….
Bedtime kisses
Homework projects
Football
Softball
Smiles
Hugs
Broken hearts
Prom
Camping
Swim
Drivers license
First attempts at water skiing
First attempts at driving a boat
GoKarts
Fishing
Catching Frogs
Waterparks
Biking
Kids tears
Kids pain
Kids anger
Illness
…..and you have missed it all, I sure hope YOU are finally HAPPY.

Respond to this post here or on this blog here

How To Break Up With A Friend

Beliefnet has an article on how to break up with your friend. Have you ever had to this? Or has this ever happened to you?


Friendships are like marriages. Some evolve into mutually supportive and life-giving bonds while others grow more and more unhealthy, or even toxic. When a friendship ends—abruptly or subtly; via e-mail, phone conversation, or personal confrontation; with words or silence—I believe it needs to be mourned and processed in the same way as a divorce or painful breakup.



Read more here

Tips for Online Dating

Online Dating: 5 Tips for Getting the Most Out of Your Online Dating Experience

By LAURIE MOISON

Newly divorced and ready to try again? Want to try an online dating site, but not certain what to do or how? Here are four tips to help you make the most of your dating experience as you look for a new partner.

1. Figure out what kind of experience you want.
Do you want someone else to make the matches for you? Then sites such as eHarmony, Chemistry.com, and Match Platinum might be best bets because they do all the sorting and send you matches based on the various compatibility tests they offer. On the other hand, if you’re the take-charge type and want to scope out the possibilities yourself, Match.com, TRUE.com and Yahoo! Personals let you surf through their vast databases using various sort capabilities. Want the best of both worlds? Then, think about PerfectMatch where they’ll match you based on the results of your Duet® survey, PLUS, you get to surf yourself. If you prefer not to blow your own horn, you might want to take advantage of the newest online dating trend and get family and friends involved in helping you find the love of your life. Check out Cupid’s Lab, Engage.com or Match Making Friends.

Keep reading here on divorce360.com

From Complete Devastation to Unbelievably Better

MONTHLY PROFILE: A Q&A WITH TAMMY O'DONNELL:

Q. What were your initial thoughts/emotions when you realized you were getting a divorce?

A. Complete devastation, wondering why it was happening to me. Honestly, there were so many emotions that I was dealing with that I wanted to curl up into a ball and not face it. With having a child that isn't an option.

Read the rest of the interview on divorce360.com here

Even FBI agents are wary of this type of person

Nancy Michaels’ husband had a pet name for her. It was four letters and started with a “c.” Even with her husband’s foul name-calling, temper tantrums and manipulating behaviors, Michaels had a hard time admitting that she was married to a control freak.
read more about controlling spouses on divorce360.com

Living Together? 8 Must Do's

You’re in love. You’re spending every night together. The weeks, months, or years go by. Pretty soon the question becomes obvious. Why don’t we just live together? You’re practically doing it already, except paying rent on two places for the privilege.

8 Must Do's from divorce360.com

Someone Is Watching You

Family Court Can Pull Passports, Stop Vacations, And More.

“Courts can certainly limit where parents can take children during the pendency of divorce, and in Georgia, once a divorce is filed, you cannot take the children out of the jurisdiction of the court, unless both parents agree or the Court approves,” says George Stern, nationally recognized divorce attorney; founder of Stern & Edlin; Fellow of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (Member, Board of Governors, 1987 to present); and co-author of Domestic Relations. “It is also very common for courts to seize passports of children where there is a concern about flight out of the USA,” he says. Want to know more? Go to divorce360.com to read the rest of the story.

Are Jon & Kate (plus 8) Breaking Up?

Did you watch the series premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night to find out if they were divorcing over his alleged affair? Do you think he cheated?

Matthew Titus, a relationship expert and dating coach, did not cheat on his first wife because she was not pretty or smart or loving. Titus says he cheated because he could. "Monogamy is a morality case a man cannot fit into," he says. "The institute of marriage does not fit. It's flawed."


So, what exactly drives a spouse to cheat? Find out here at divorce360.com

Insider Secrets About Bill Collectors

Yes, I used to work for the dark side as a collection agent. As a former insider I know what pushes collectors into giving you the best deal. There are a few simple rules to playing the collector’s game, and you will always end up winning.

Collectors get paid on commission and are desperate to hit their numbers or they will lose their jobs. Where I worked I used to get 20 percent commission, but I had to collect almost $17,000 in gross dollars before even hitting commission. The credit card company took almost half of every dollar the agency brought in. I had to collect four times my base salary in order to overcome that threshold.

read all the tips here divorce360.com

Forgiveness

Have any of you forgiven your ex, and if so, have you told them? Why or why not?

divorce360.com members respond here

why do women fake orgasms?

"OK you got my attention now!! ;) I'm taking notes too! Get the pad and paper NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)" So what's the answer?

You're Probably Doing #7

what are the top 10 legal mistakes that people make? Since most people have had no experience with the legal system, they are often overwhelmed by complicated and thorny legal questions. Here’s how to avoid or deal with the top 10 legal mistakes.

Calling all Computer experts and FB experts...

I need some help please...Does anyone know how I can tell if my STBX is still linked to my home computer! I need some help as well to find out how my STBX knows everything I am doing on FB....I have tried to figure it out but I can't,,,Help me please..I am so tired of him stalking me, he is sending me Emails telling me everything I am saying and doing....I am so tired of it...I do in some ways find it flattering, but then I find it to be pissing me off...If any one can help me I would love it......Thank you//(((Hugs))) ~ Kimmie~ I really want to find out if he is linked to my home computer!!!!!!!!!
Read the answers and add your own here

by Kimmie41 81 Posts

Wow. I am taken back by the community

"Wow. I am taken back by the community on this. I found this site by accident and I am glad I did. I really like to thank each one of you that have responded. I have been reading the advice for weeks before I joined. It is not easy for me to open up, but this avoids the crying and gets out my feelings. Thank you for your kind words and advice, I really appreciate it." - divorce360.com member bluedev. Read more

What? You're more likely to divorce if your firstborn is a girl? Really?
divorce360.com says so....click here.

Don't Let The Economy Cause A Divorce

The home mortgage crisis in the United States has spawned problems in the mortgage, real estate and banking industries, and many consumers are now facing mortgage payment increases in the coming months that could cause the number of home foreclosures to climb even higher. And all of those financial woes may be spawning another problem as well -- an increase in divorces, experts say. Here's what you need to know.

Should I Change My Name?

It's a big decision...changing your name post divorce. Should you, shouldn't you?

And what do you do if you have kids? Do they keep your ex's last name?

How do you explain that?

divorce360.com has more on this topic here

Divorce Settlements Tough in Recession

With home sales down, prices declining and the Federal Reserve slashing interest rates to spur sluggish growth, the economic downturn in the United States is causing another issue at home -- the potential to make divorce settlements even more difficult, according to financial planners. Read more...

When your Kids Want to Live with your Ex

Seven years ago, when her son left to live with her ex-husband, “my heart was just shattered,” said administrative assistant, Melinda Johnson, 53, of Sacramento, Calif. He was 17, and Johnson had only been divorced for four years after a 19-year marriage. “I opposed my son moving there. Dad's house didn't have any rules, but did have lots of dollars available.” Read more

Jekyll and Hyde

"Anyone else dealing with a STBX who treats you like Public Enemy No. 1 one moment and then one of your buddies the next? I called mine tonight to talk to our son before bedtime. He had just went to sleep :( but she was striking up a conversation with me. I humored her for a couple of minutes because I don't like to come off like a jerk, even though she has done a load of evil things to me, but I couldn't wait to get off the phone. She does this every so often." read more from d360 member Steve315

I'm A Stay-At-Home Mom, Should I Get A Job?

Q: I'm a stay-at-home mom. I'm getting divorced. Should I get a job?

A. If it looks like divorce is inevitable and you’ve been a stay at home mom, you will have to do a great deal of planning to support yourself in your post-divorce life. Here are some tips for before, during and after the divorce. Read more...

Did Your Ex Use Your Credit Card?

Going through a divorce can be stressful enough, and if you don’t end things amicably, sometimes people can do hateful things. Your ex has access to all your personal information, your social security number, date of birth, address, and maybe even your bank account information. This could give your ex the information he or she needs to make your financial life a nightmare or it could be someone who doesn’t even know you who digs through your trash.

Click here to find out what to do if your ex runs up debt on your cards.

She's Getting New Boobs

"Today I am working and he is down with her taking care of her while she gets her boobs bigger or perkier or something. I hate that I'm workimg while he sits in a lobby somewhere reading people magazine." Read more from d360 member lisaloves

Do You Know How To Talk To Your Spouse?

Once the decision has been made to divorce there are many constructive steps to be taken which will protect both partners from allowing their feelings to run haywire and dictate important decisions and actions which will be taken now. It is so important to realize that this is a time when both partners are experiencing a significant sense of loss of control. Read 3 Tips to Make Certain You Fight Fair in your Marriage

From divorce360.com